A Living with Faust special
by Butterfly-Razor
Summary: Hue Hefner and the Playboi mansion: A LWF special. Written entirely by Teepo, Faust wins 4 gold tickets to visit the playboi mansion before the perverted old guy dies. Not even I know what happens.
1. Part 1

Hue Hefner and the Playboi mansion

A Living with Faust special

Saturday: sometime - some other time, Faust was gone! X3

This was one hell of a weekend we had here. You may not have heard from us in awhile, and where we are living and who we are living with that shouldn't surprise you, for all you know we could've been dead. Dead AND eaten even. But, we're still very much alive, unfortunately. It hadn't been long since the guys got their memory's back and Kaylee left the house not wanting to remember me anymore, that Faust disappeared for a whole 3 days.

I had enjoyed the peace of not having Faust at the house, I didn't even question him being gone in fear of him showing up out of nowhere. The others weren't doing so well. Jack seemed paranoid that Faust was still in the house, and since he was playing tag with him and never tagged Faust back, he hid in the corner fort he had made and held onto his helmet and baseball bat.

Chris had been playing Smash bros Brawl for the past 2 weeks and hadn't noticed Faust being gone at all, even when Faust was here he couldn't get to Chris. In fact, Chris even beat Faust at brawl. This caused Faust to reenact the fight with a puppet theater, that lasted for several hours. Every time one of us attempted to get up, he shot us with a beanbag gun.

Emerld went on a manhunt with Pennywise, Freakazoid, and Beetle Juice to find Faust, but they all ended up in a roshambo to the death. Lucky no one was killed do to the game ending on the count of acid rain. Emerld wasn't up for walking much afterwards though.

Then finally there was Missy. She had had the least experience with Faust, but 5 minutes with the guy could drive anyone to question reality. She seemed happy that he was gone, and spent most of her time with me. The Faust free time was fun while it lasted, but he returned, he ALWAYS returns,

Saturday: noon. The news report.

I was sitting on the couch with Missy, after performing the miracle of getting Chris to turn off the Wii. It was pretty easy, all I had to do was have 60 pizza's delivered and tell Chris I was out of money, once he realized the Pizza's would go bye bye, he had some "words" with the pizza guy. "Words" meaning he's still kicking the poor guy's ass as I write this.

I flipped it over to the news hoping _To catch a predator _might be on, and found a special news report. "What the fuck is this!?" I yelled. "This was supposed to be the episode where Chris Hansen has the decoy pose as a newborn baby genius!" I continued. "It's saying something about Hue Hefner dieing of a combination of AIDS, cancer, and a… harpoon through the chest?" Missy explained. "Harpoon!? Is Faust on the news?" Emerld asked after just walking in the room.

"It doesn't say anything about a crazy bagman, so don't think it's him." Replied Missy. "Yeah, Faust just seems like the kind of person who'd love to be credited for something like this too." Emerld replied. "I got the pizza's for a 113 discount!" Chris proclaimed proudly as he brought in a massive stack of pizzas. "What, you robbed the guy to Chris? It wasn't enough to beat him senseless?" I asked. "Hey, he tried to take food away from me, food I shouldn't have had to pay for anyway because he can have it back if he wants, AFTER I've eaten it!" Chris said as he opened the first box of pizza.

"Yeah, anyway, shut up, I want to hear why it is of any importance some perverted old fart is dying." I said as I hushed the others. Apparently, the old bastard was to be naming a successor to himself, someone to run the playboi mansion after he died. And it turns out, he had hidden four gold tickets in four issues of the latest playboi magazine, and there was now but one gold ticket remaining. "Oh shit! I have the new issue!" Stated jack bursting forth from his corner fort. "I haven't even opened it yet, maybe It'll have the ticket!" He said before racing up the stairs. "Does he really think that ticket will be in there?" Missy asked. "Knowing Jack, he'll probably punch a hole in the wall after finding out it's not." I replied.

"Well, might as well go pick up a copy of that particular magazine to see if I win, if I don't at least I'll still have the magazine." Emerld said as he got his keys and left to the store. "I bet after this news report all the playboy's in the state will be gone within minutes." Said Chris shortly after finishing his fourth entire pizza. "Well, I don't really want to go to the playboi mansion, so I'll just pretended I didn't see this news report." I said as I changed the channel.

"Hey! _Chuck Norris: slayer of zombie Tiamat_ is on!" I said as I settled to watch the program with Missy. I heard a very loud crashing noise soon after coming from the upstairs. "Your fixing that fucking hole Jack!!!" I yelled at him. He then marched down the stairs with an armful of playboi magazines, and took them in the backyard and burned them. "I trusted you perverted old guy, and this is how you treat me!?" He yelled much louder then he should have. "Damn it Jack! Don't let the public hear that!!!" I screamed at him.

About 20 or 30 minutes past before Emerld retuned. "Well, I got a copy, no gold ticket though. Kind of feel bad now for crushing that fat guys spine in order to get the last one." He replied as he hung up his coat. "Well, he was fat, so he probably deserved it. And probably has the internet so he'll do fine for the night, if he gets up again that is." I conversed with Emerld before he headed upstairs. Then I continued to watch the show. "Didn't you say you met Chuck Norris once?" Missy asked me. "Yeah, Emerld hired him to beat down Faust after he tried to turn the Burger King into a religious icon." I replied. "I even got his autograph, he signed my DVD copy of _Walker Texas Ranger: The book of the TV show: The movie_."

After the movie me and Missy planned to spend some more time together with Bridget Plushie, but then it happened…

Saturday: 2.13 - 2:48 Good ol' Faust spoils every ones peace! Ya…..NO!

Not even to the stairs did we make it, before a mailman came flying through the door and headed straight through the wall of the living room and into the oven in the kitchen. Then, Faust walked through the now broken front door in slow motion and with his own background and theme music. "Of course." I said as I placed my face in the palm of my hand. "I dun feel so good guys." Stated Chris after finishing his 21st pizza, this time box and all. "Then stop eatin ya bastard!" I yelled at him. "NO! It's TOO good!!!" Chris stated as he opened ANOTHER one.

"I, have returned! BOI!!!" Faust explained as he took off his bag and placed it on the hat rack, he had another bag just like it on underneath. "Oh no, not him again, I thought he was gone for good, I saw him die!!!" Said Missy confused. "Yeah, we've all killed him at least a dozen times, he never seems to stay fully dead though." I explained to her. "Faust boi! Where have you been?" asked Emerld just coming down from upstairs. "I was out, doing stuff." He said. "I want everyone to be here, where's that one guy who always punches holes in the wall?" He asked. "Jack, get your ass down here, Faust is back!" I yelled upstairs. A flying guitar hero remote almost took my head off after that. "FUCK! I almost beat it, ALMOST!!!" Jack was screaming as he came downstairs pissed off.

"OK! Now that everyone is here, I has news!" Faust stated now having everyone's attention. "As you may have heard, the old guy who lives in that old house with all those naked chicks is dieing, and I know you think I had a part in causing his dying state, and I did, but that's not the news I have!" He continued with his story. "The old bastard is letting four special people into his cruddy old house before he dies, and I guess you could say eight people because everyone gets to bring a guest, and I guess you could say not so special because about a million people have already been there before."

"Yeah, we know, what's you point Faust?" I asked him. "Can someone go get me the peanut butter?" Asked Chris. "NO!" we all yelled at him. "Well, he placed 4 gold tickets in 4 magazines, so, what I did was track down the 3 people who already found the tickets, buried them alive, ate all the food in their possession, and stole the tickets from their dying hands." He explained. Missy was appalled, but she'll get used to his stories, once she has to actually SEE him do this stuff like we all did. "Then, I bought every single playboi within the country, until I found the remaining ticket! When I say bought, I mean I burned down all the news stands and took the mags, and the money, and the people who ran the places pants." He finished.

"That's AWESOME!" Jack shouted. "Does this mean you're taking us?" He asked. "Yesum, you, Teepo, Emerld, Chris, Missy, Pennywise, the Burger King, AND ME! We're all going tomorrow morning!" Faust replied. "You'd better appreciate this too, it took me forever to eat all those magazines!" "Hell yeah! This is going to be the best day EVER!" Said Jack as he went back up to his room. "What if I dun wanna go?" I asked. "Then I'll make YOU eat 1,000 playboi magazines and see how YOU like it." He replied. "Fine, I'll go, but Bridget plushie and Missy don't leave my side, GOT IT!?" I demanded. He agreed.

Saturday: 3:00 - 5:30 Passing the time.

I wasn't really too excited about dinner, due to the fact that Faust never took out that mailman. I just ate some pizza with Chris, well, _I _ate, he kinda just sat there barley breathing and cross-eyed with half a piece of pizza in his mouth. I got to them around his 40th box. "Hey Emerld, you want to help me push Chris upstairs? He's starting to reach for more pizza." I asked him. "Um, a little busy here Teepo." He replied sitting upside down in chains above a shark tank. "And…GO!" Faust yelled at him as he started lowering Emerld into the tank.

I decided then to go upstairs and attempt to spend more time with Missy and Bridget plushie. Unlike Kaylee, Bridget plushie accepted Missy to be around me, and didn't attack her. I got upstairs to my room to find Emerld's stupid bird had pecked apart some of my posters. "You stupid bitch!" I yelled at her as I threw my talking Duke Nukem bobble head at her. "I've got balls of steel!" It said as it hit the wall narrowly missing the bird. The bird soon flew out of my room, and into Jack's. I heard him screaming, but I'm not about to help him.

Missy and I stayed in the room for about 6 minutes, before Faust bust into the room and threw a shoe at me. "What's with this now? Faust why did you throw a shoe at me!?" I asked. "Your turn to wash the shoe!" He said as he slammed my door and caused the picture above my head to fall onto me, knocking me out.

Saturday: 6ish - around eight.

I woke up sometime after, luckily Missy was there to take care of me, the glass from the picture cut me pretty deep. The weird part is the glass didn't break upon falling… Anyway, I decided to head downstairs to see the others.

Once downstairs I looked over by the door to see Emerld had gotten out of the chains and the sharks had all been harpooned. "Faust, are you going to get this tank out of here?" I asked him. "I already did it yesterday!" He replied from the other room. I looked over, and sure enough the tank I was just looking at was gone. "Chris, where are you?" I shouted as I couldn't see him around anywhere. "He took the rest of the pizzas up to his room a few minutes ago, along with some ice cream, a case of boot beer, and a super deluxe bacon cheeseburger, with extra bacon, and an extra hamburger on top." Stated Jack who was trying to pull the charred mailman corpse from the oven.

"Might as well play some Brawl while Chris eats himself into a coma." I thought to myself as I picked up the Wii remote. I sat on the couch and started up the game, then immediately heard: "You're not gonna win." I looked to my right to see Chris next to me with a stack of empty pizza boxes, wiimote ready in hand. "How did you get down here so fast?" I asked him. "I ate so much pizza, that I can now instantly appear in any part of the house with pizza boxes." He replied. "How come I never get any cool powers?" I asked. "You did that one time we were in that house that was full of poison, by the way I still don't know how we survived that I mean one breath of that stuff could kill an elephant, but whatever I'm gonna pick Sonic and I'm gonna win!" Chris stated as our match began. We were pretty close, I almost won, but Faust dumped a box of live spiders in my hair and I screamed at such a high pitch I shattered the TV, after which I heard "This games winner is SONIC!"

Saturday: After 8 - the middle part of the dark part of the day.

Missy spent the next hour or so picking the spiders out of my hair. She didn't like spiders anymore then I did, but we weren't about to cut off my hair. I'm _this _close to growing into a functional tentacle monster. Then I'll show Testament who's boss. Anyway, I tried not to leave the room again, but I hear the words of an anon screech "OH NO!!!" So I decided to go take a look after all.

I walked downstairs to find Pennywise, Faust, and Chris all playing Brawl. The shriek came from that dammed clown. "What is it Pennywise?" I asked him. "I tried to grab Chris and the bastard jumped and I walked into a bombomb!" He replied. "Oh jesum Christ, is that all?" I asked. "No! …Faust stuck a fork in me!" he explained. "You clearly said you would love for me to stick a fork in your ass!" Faust replied to Pennywise. "I said there was a fork in the path on sub space **embassy**!" Pennywise continued to argue. I went back upstairs after that.

I decided I would check on Jack and Emerld before heading back to my room and Missy. Jack was passed out in a pile of empty beer bottles, bird feathers, and his own blood. Also it looked like he ran his head into the wall pretty hard trying to escape that bird of Emerld's. I wandered into Emerld's broom next. I opened the door to find him locking up the bird for the night. "Hey Emerld, just checking to see that Faust hadn't eaten you tonight." I said. "Ha ha, he tried once earlier, but I threw him a squeaky toy and he left me alone." Emerld replied. I then headed back to my room, with my lovely Missy, and ever so dear Bridget plushie.

I got back to my room to find Missy in bed, but not asleep. Bridget plushie was in the bed with her too, I grabbed BP and laid down with Missy. We talked for a bit, I told her some more stories about Faust, as I want her to know everything there is to know what he's capable of. "Oh, and make SURE you NEVER let him take you fishing!" I warned her. "Wow, what did he do that time?" She asked. "We went fishing not for fish, but FISHING POLES! He harpooned every owner of every fishing show in town and stole their poles, then he decapitated the fattest one and hung his head over the mantle as a trophy!" I went on with my story. "That's pretty awful, how come the fat guy's head isn't there anymore?" She asked me. "He sold it in a yard sale to the headless horseman." I replied.

I told a few more tales of Faust before kissing Missy good night and turning out the lights. She went right to sleep, but I didn't. I had too much on my mind, cause think about it, tomorrow I'm going to the damn playboi mansion, with FAUST!!! I remember that time I went to the museum with the guy and he scarred everyone there for life. I can't imagine what's going to happen tomorrow. I lied awake for a few hours, listening to the ongoing Brawl downstairs. Chris was winning, and I think I heard Pennywise win once, something about Chris trying to play with his head in a box or something… anyway, I started writing more about the day as you are reading now, and after this line, I either fell asleep, or died, or am right here in the room with you right now, who knows.


	2. Part 2

Hue Hefner and the playboi mansion

A living with Faust special part !T.O.O.H!

Sunday: 8 :00 AM - 9:01 AM Waking up, food me

So I got out of the dream before hitting the pit of spikes and dieing for real in the real world. Afterwards I went downstairs with Missy hoping something of the eatable type was prepared for us. "Anyone make any breakfast?" I asked the room. "Only the shoe you didn't wash!" Said Faust before eating the very shoe. "…I'll just eat a bagel." I said. "So Chris, did you win at brawl?" I asked. "Pfft… What do you think?" He replied as he was wearing Pennywise cloths he had one during the game.

"What time do we leave Faust?" I asked. "You'll know once I put you in the sack." He replied. I then sat down on the couch to relax, Chris was still on the Wii. "You're gonna have to get ready soon Chris, Faust could say we are leavening any second." I explained to him. "I got what I need to go." He said. "Ok, I guess." I said as I went up to my room to get ready.

Upon entering my room I found that damn bird in there again. "Emerld keep your bird girl out of my room!" I screamed as I threw the bird, and the bear cub it was eating out of my room. I got dressed, had Missy brush my hair, went back downstairs and found the couch was missing. "Chris, since you are sitting where the couch once was I'll ask you, where is the couch?" I asked him. "Faust took it, said he's building a car." He replied. "OH NO!" was the first thought through my head as I raced into the garage.

"OH MY GOD FAUST!!!" I yelled as I entered the garage. "What is it boi?" He asked. "WE HAVE A GARAGE!" I yelled at him as I never noticed before this day the door I had entered through. "Yeah, this is where I store my boot beer! By the way is what my new car will run on." He explained, and then I noticed the couch. "Um, you're gonna put that back, right?" I asked. "Ha-ha, no. But I'll buy a new one when we get back, better yet, I'll make one! I'll make it out of old discarded couch parts, and I'll name it Franken-couch!" he went on and on, I left, I didn't even want to try to stop him from building this so called car.

"Ok, from what I saw Faust has 82 of a new car in the garage, oh and by the way we have a garage, anyway, better get ready guys." I announced to the room. "I got everything I need." Said Missy. "Me too." said Chris. "Me too!" Said Pennywise who just woke up from sleeping in the walls. "Emerld, Jack, you guys ready?" I asked. "Yeah." Said Emerld emerging from the garbage can. "Ewe, what were you doing in there?" I asked him disgusted. "Hey! Do I ask you how to live your life!? No! Now enough with the questions." He replied. "Fine, ass." I replied back.

"Jack, that just leaves you." I yelled upstairs cause I didn't see him downstairs. I got no reply. "Where the hell is that boi!?" I asked myself. "Didn't you notice the TV?" Said Pennywise. I then looked at the TV, and noticed, it was Jack! "What the fuck happened to him!?" I demanded Pennywise tell me. "Well SOME girly fuck had to go and break the TV, so we made a new one!" He replied with a smile. "But, I SAW Jack asleep while you guys were playing the game last night! AFTER I BROKE IT!" I yelled in confusion. "Oh, that one was made fondue, but it melted after about an hour so we went and got Jack." He explained. "Chris!" I yelled. "WHAT!?" He yelled back. "FIX HIM!" I yelled the loudest. "FINE!" He yelled as he kicked the TV and Jack's bones popped back into place. "OW!!! My spine, it hurts!" he said as he stumbled. "You want me to get you some ice or something?" I asked him. "Why, I feel GREAT!" He said as he jumped from the living room, to the staircase and ran to his room.

"OK, everyone should be ready now… wait. Wasn't BK going too?" I asked. "Yeah, we have to go pick him up though, Faust's driving." Emerld explained. "Oh… ok." Said as sat on the couch. Yes, I KNOW the couch isn't there, but I could still feel it under my ass. Faust then burst through the garage door, and that's all I say before the sack covered my face and body. What a long day this is going to be for us all…

Sunday: 9:02 - 11:00 AM Picking up the king, then to the airbus station port!

The sack was removed once we were all already in the car. At least this one wasn't invisible, and had a roof. "Where does the Burger King live anyway?" Emerld asked. "In a giant castle made of burgers, remember?" Faust asked. Me and Emerld almost vomited, remembering how that place smelled. "Don't worry guys, he cooked all the meat this time, now it smells good!" Said Faust. "What's this guy like?" Missy asked me. "He's pretty cool, he's the king of all burgers. He's also good friends with Faust, and sometimes when you wake up he's there, holding a burger." I explained to her. "Though, I have no idea why we need to drive to pick him up, since A he can fly, and B his castle is even further then the playboi mansion." I explained to Faust.

"Detour!" Faust yelled as he pointed to a squirrel crossing sign and drove us off a mountain. Luckily none of us were killed, it was an 8,000 foot drop… car landed on it's wheels unharmed. "What the hell, is this car part cat or something?" Emerld asked. "Yep, cougar, I think." replied Faust.

"OK Faust, so why do we got to pick up the king?" I asked. "Because I told him I would. Plus, I'm hungry." Faust replied. "P Diddle!" Yelled Jack as he punched Faust in the face HARD, actually knocking him out. The car then started to swerve, taking out many objects and hobo's in it's path. "DAMN IT JACK! WHY THE HELL'D YOU DO THAT!?" I yelled at him. "I had to!" He yelled. "Someone get the wheel!" Missy screamed. "I'll get it!" Said Emerld as he got the car back on the road. We stopped and moved Faust into the back.

"God damn it Jack! WHY'D YOU HIT FAUST!?" I yelled at him some more. "Cause, whenever you see a Volkswagen, you punch the driver! Didn't you see that episode of King of the Hill?" He replied. "Yeah, but he hit him in the ARM! NOT the face!" I responded. "Well, maybe I just wanted to hit him! You know he threw a live chicken at me the other day?" He continued. "I remember that, that was one heck of a BBQ!" Chris added to the conversation. Emerld got us about half way there before Faust woke up again.

"YAWN! And such!" said Faust as he awoke. "Hey Burger King!" He greeted the King who was holding a burger on a plate. "Wait, he's IN THE CAR!?" Missy yelled confused. "Sure, the King is always there when I wake up!" stated Faust eating his burger. "So I'm guessing we don't need to go to his house now?" Asked Emerld. "Now why would we do that? To pick up his twin brother? That's a stupid idea, YOU'RE STUPID!" Yelled Faust as he threw the remaining half of his burger at Emerld's head.

We instead headed to the Bus station, Emerld drove us the way so I felt a little safer… A LITTLE. We did get there in one piece though, and we all got on a bus, a bus full of assholes and old people. We made it 6 feet before we got kicked off due to Jack smashing a guy in the face who was wearing a Linken Park shirt.

"Jack, I'm banning you from using your hands!" I yelled at him as Pennywise hand-cuffed him. "I can still use my feet!" He said like a smart ass. "Chris, put him in the sack!" I asked Chris. Jack put up a fight even without hands, but Chris and Faust got him tied up in the sack, we then decided to get back in the car and drive to the airport.

We got to the airport, and said Jack was luggage. The rest of us got on the plain the normal way. I sat next to Missy, Bridget Plushie was my carry-on. Emerld sat next to Faust. Chris sat next to the burger king. And Pennywise wandered into the cockpit and never came back. "Hey, Emerld, bet ya I can get the front of the plain before you!" Faust challenged. "No WAY you'll beat me!" Emerld accepted. Faust smacked everyone he ran past, including babies. Emerld got behind him, and somehow Faust tripped Emerld front in front of him, Faust won. "YES!" Faust yelled as he raised his arms in victory knocking out the flight attendant who was bringing my tea.

I'd like to say more crazy events happened, but I went to sleep. Missy was asleep on me, so I decided I should go to sleep too. When I woke up the plain had crash landed in the front of the Playboi mansion and everyone not in our group either ran off or was on fire. I was told Pennywise killed the pilot and attempted to land the plane himself… steering with his face.


	3. Part three

Hue Hefner and the playboi mansion.

A Living with Faust special part THREE, I know, THREE

Sunday: 12:30 - 1:05 We have arrived, for the BRAWL!

We got out of the plane still half alive, there were about 1,000 people in front of this damn mansion. "… Ima go wait in the plane, you guys go without me." I told everyone nearly pissing my pants at the sight of all the people. I made a run for the burning crashed plane, but Faust shot a rocket harpoon at it and destroyed what little was left of it. "You're not going anywhere boi, and neither is anyone else." He stated. "Except these people, we gotta do something about them." Pennywise said to Faust. "Hmm, you're right." Faust agreed. "Oh no, here he goes again." Said Emerld taking cover behind a nearby wall. One wall, just standing there attached to nothing.

"HEY! HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT ME, THE GUY WITH THE BAG ON HIS FACE!" Faust yelled getting everyone's attention. "One question, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING HERE!?" Faust screamed at them. "WE won the tickets, not YOU, so now let ME get into the mansion, and stop starring!" Faust yelled at them. "It's not like YOU guys get to go in, once the old guy comes out he'll probably brake his hip or kidney or something, them we win the mansion to live in for the rest of the week before me and the king destroy it during a game of indoor super golf!" He continued.

At this point I noticed the King starring down a guy eating Mc' Donald's. I didn't like where that was going, but had to pay attention to Faust. "AND ANOTHER THING!" Faust was still ranting. "You people should have lives, I bet the old guy dies TODAY, then what are you gonna do!? Probably sell all the playboi magazines you own hoping to make a quick buck, which by the way is all you have left of him. YOU NEVER LOVED HIM THE WAY I DO!! SCREW THESE PEOPLE HEF, FAUST RESPECTS YOU!!" Faust started ranting even more. "AND NOW HE'S DEAD, AND ALL YOU PEOPLE AREN'T DOING ANYTHING TO BRING HIM FROM THE DEAD!" Faust continues.

"Dude, he ain't dead, he's going to come out to greet the winners any second." Replied an anonymous from the audience. "Hey! Who the fuck said you could talk!?" Faust yelled at the poor guy. "I'm trying to break in, finish killing this guy as I couldn't do it earlier, and steal all his stuff to sell on X-bay, and you think you have the right to TALK! I EAT STEAK TOO BOI! I KNOW HOW THINGS WORK IN THE UNDERGROUND SAW MILLS!" Faust started ranting about nothing.

"Faust, are you making this up as you go along?" Emerld asked him. "Yes I isn't! Now let me finish!" Faust replied to him. "I pledge allegiance, to the anus, of the chicken fried buzzards on their way to devour you!" Faust stated with his hand over his pancreas. "Hey, bag guy, shut the fuck up and let us be!" Yelled another anon from the audience. "THAT'S IT!" Yelled Faust cocking his harpoon shotgun.

"All right!" Yelled Jack who finally got his hands and feet free. He then ran into the crowd and hit the first guy he saw for no reason. He then spotted the same guy he hit on the bus still wearing the same shirt, so he tackled him, tore the shirt off, ate it, and then punched the guy so hard, it cracked the ground beneath him. "Oh shi-" I thought to myself as I watched Faust dive into the scattering audience. "Chris, we have to try to stop them." I asked no one, because Chris was holding the guy who was eating Mc' Donald's while the Burger King was punching him. "Chris!" I yelled. "Sorry dude, can't help it." Chris stated as he let the Burger king hold on to the guy, and he started punching him.

People in the audience who didn't get shot by Faust started randomly taking shots at each other. I saw Chris and the King finally let that guy go, then they high fived each other. Faust was hitting people with the butt of his harpoon gun, every now and then taking a shot at innocent people. Jack was pounding anyone who came near him, even if they weren't part of the fight in the first place. "This is out of hand, you go hide with Emerld, Missy." I told her. "I would, but he joined the fight." She replied.

Then I saw Emerld wielding two plasma guns he had gotten from Master Chief as a happy Wednesday the 19th gift. "Well, you want to fight with me?" I asked her. "How come we have to fight?" She asked back. "Nothing better to do." I responded. "Well, all right." She agreed as we ran into the group of people. We actually had a bit of fun, beating the crap out of random people who didn't deserve it, side by side. We eventually teamed up with Pennywise and really started bashing people. That guy was just plain brutal though, breaking peoples arms, legs, stole a guys ice cream cone, BRUTAL!

The fight only lasted about 15 minutes, but it felt like forever. It would probably still be going on, but a blue car zoomed into the cowed and ran over many people. Who stepped out of the car, none other then two of the most badass manly men ever to walk the earth, Chuck Norris, and Captain Falcon. Captain Falcon jumped into the crowd, and Falcon Punched them all into next week, really, they all fell from the sky a week later.

"Well, at least that's over, anyone seen Chris's face?" I asked as someone seemed to have cut it off. "I'm fine dude." Said Chris as his face began to grow back. "Everyone else OK? You all manage to not get Falcon Punched?" I asked everyone. They all seemed fine, no serious injuries. Faust was standing on a pile of bodies, no shirt and war pain on his bag, standing proud of what he had done. "Great, you happy Faust, you killed at least 70 people." Emerld started yelling at him. "HEY! I didn't see you complaining as you were blasting the hell out of anyone who looked at you!" Faust yelled back. "Good point." Emerld replied.

"All right, I think we should thank Captain Falcon for putting a stop to this, thank you Captain Falcon!" I thanked the man. "No problem, but I got a score to settle with that bag guy!" He replied pointing at Faust. "What did he do?" Missy asked. "Bastard hit me with a shovel, buried me alive, stole my ticket to this mansion, then ATE ALL MY CHIPS!!" Captain falcon yelled.

Faust then walked over to him. "OK, mister bird dude, I'M SORRY, how's that?" Faust actually apologized. "Hmm… no, no, not good enough, come here a second." Captain Falcon asked him. Faust did so. "FALCON!!" Yelled CF. "GROIN!!" He yelled as he kicked Faust in the crotch with his flaming boot of fire. "JESUM CHRIST!" Yelled Faust as his eyes popped from his bag. "K, now we're even." Said CF as he walked towards the gates.

Sunday: 1:07 - 1:13 The old guys alive.

So, as it turns out Captain Falcon wasn't about to miss a trip to the playboi mansion and dug himself up from the 30 ft hole Faust buried him in. Turns out also Faust buried him in cement, not dirt. Chuck Norris was his guest, even though Chuck Norris had already been here 36 times this week including 3 times yesterday, he still came. "How are you guys going to get in without a ticket?" Emerld asked. "Pfft, the old bastard will let us in if he doesn't want a Falcon Punch to the gut, fallowed by a roundhouse kick to the face." CF stated.

The gates opened, there should have been a roar from the crowd, but the crowd was LONG gone. We saw Hue Hefner being wheeled out and then attempt to stand up. He fell over, rolled down the hill, hitting his head on every rock on the way down, rolled through a puddle of acid that was lying there for some reason, got pounced by 4 badgers who gnawed at his flesh, hit 7 or 8 land mines that Faust threw over the fence during the riot, and finally slammed into the gates catching his leg in it and breaking it.

We all just, kinda stared at him for a few moments. "… I'm gonna take his shoes." Said jack. Then, Hue Hefner popped up off the ground. "Nah, Just kidding, c'mon in, and welcome winners of the gold tickets!" He said as he dusted himself off.

"Wait a minute, there are 10 of you, but there was supposed to be 8 max, what is this?" Hue asked confused. "Well you see, this bag fuck stole my ticket, so I came here, beat him down, and got it back. Now the girly guy doesn't have a ticket." Captain Falcon explained. "Well, since I don't think he'll be any trouble, I'll let him in anyway." Hue said. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. "Don't pretend like you don't know." Hues stated. "Fuck you old man!" I yelled while flipping him off. That's right, I flipped of a dying old man in a wheel chair.


End file.
